Committed For Life
by Christine M. Greenleaf
Summary: When a new, incredibly attractive female psychiatrist starts to analyze the Joker, Harley Quinn can't help being jealous, especially since rumors start to circulate among the inmates about the two being more than doctor and patient. Harley tries to assure herself that her Clown Prince is faithful, but begins to wonder if she's just crazy for having faith in him after all.
1. Chapter 1

**Committed For Life**

"When you do the ink blot test, what do you actually see for the first one?" asked the Joker of the room at large, as he lounged on the sofa in the rec room at Arkham Asylum. "There's gotta be a correct answer to those, right? It's a dead puppy, isn't it? Pammie, you see a dead puppy?"

"If you must know, I see your face battered into a bloody pulp," retorted Poison Ivy, flipping a page in her magazine. "Why do you ask?"

"Got a session with the new shrink at noon, and I thought I'd do a little preparation," he replied, shrugging. "I usually say, y'know, Batman or a bomb or a bunch of mutilated cops, but I just wondered if anyone knew what it's actually supposed to be."

"I don't think it's supposed to be anything," said Jonathan Crane. "Just a vague image that your brain will shape into whatever seems relevant to you. Hence the purpose of the test, to find out what your mind deems to be important."

"That's right, Johnny, I forgot you used to teach shrinking," said Joker, grinning at him. "So it's your fault they're all so stupid and easily manipulated. Y'know, like the way I manipulated Harley and turned her from a promising psychiatrist into a raving nutjob. Speaking of which, has anybody seen the little minx today? She's usually wrapped around me tighter than Bats's utility belt."

"Maybe she's finally found a hobby," retorted Ivy.

"Nah, she don't have any hobbies, aside from clinging onto me and being annoying," said Joker.

"Well, hope springs eternal that one day she'll regain her sanity and realize that she's worth more than your abused sidekick," snapped Ivy.

Joker smiled at her. "I don't think so, Pammie. I'm good at what I do. When I break something, I break it completely beyond repair. And Harley's mind is broken for life."

"That's a real nice way to talk about the woman who's in love with you," sighed Ivy. "Though I have to agree with you – it's more that she's irreparably mentally damaged than feeling any kind of genuine emotion or love towards you. She's psychologically dependent on you, but it's more infection than affection."

"You're a great romantic, sweets, no wonder you ain't got a boyfriend," said Joker, grinning. "Though the way I hear it, you prefer weeds to men anyway."

"Only to certain men," she retorted. "I'll put it this way, if for some reason we were the last two people on earth, I'd rather repopulate the world with plants. Which is basically my agenda at the moment anyway."

"Well, I'm sure there are better ways to achieve that than by screwing them," chuckled Joker. "Aw, I'm just teasing, Pammie! You're always so fun to play with – such a good sport! I guess that's why Harley hangs out with you."

At that moment, Harley Quinn bounced into the room, beaming at Joker. "Speak of the devil," he muttered as she leapt into his arms and began kissing him vigorously.

"Puddin', I've spent all morning preparing a swell surprise for ya!" she exclaimed.

"What is it?" he sighed.

"I can't tell ya, it's a surprise!" she replied. "If I told ya, it wouldn't be a surprise, would it, puddin'?"

"Well, when do I get it?" he demanded.

"Later," she said. "Need to build up suspense, don't I, or it ain't a very good surprise. It's worth waiting for, though, just wait until you see it!"

"I suppose I'll have to," he sighed.

"Does anyone know why there are a bunch of arrows taped onto the floor?" asked Jervis Tetch, entering the room.

"They're leading to Mr. J's surprise," said Harley.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I can't tell you – it's a surprise," she repeated.

"Does it have anything to do with that big painting of Batman on the wall of his cell?" asked Tetch.

"It might," she snapped. "Just shut your mouth, would ya, Jervis?"

"I just wondered because it looks like he's holding a gun, and Bats never uses guns," said Tetch. "Also he looks like he's in a Western or something."

"You're ruining the surprise, Jervis, just shut up!" snapped Harley. "Mr. J's gonna guess if you keep giving him hints like that!"

"You didn't draw J's erotic fantasy, did you?" asked Ivy, grinning. "Y'know, Bats as one lonely cowboy, J as another, a kind of _Brokeback Mountain _scenario…"

"Mr. J ain't got nothing to do with _Brokeback Mountain_!" shrieked Harley, angrily. "How many times do I have to tell you, Red, he don't think about the Bat like that?! Mr. J only loves his Harley girl, his one true love, forever and ever and always, ain't that right, puddin'?" she cooed, ruffling his hair.

Joker suddenly burst out laughing. "_Brokebat Mountain_!" he giggled. "You could call it _Brokebat Mountain_! And it could be about Bats and Bane! What a great gag! We should try and make that movie next time we bust outta here, baby. But I don't really understand why you've painted a picture of Bats in a Western for me."

"It's a joke, Mr. J," replied Harley. Then she suddenly clapped a hand to her mouth. "Aw no, I ruined the surprise!"

"Not really – I still don't see the joke," said Joker.

"That's 'cause you ain't seen the painting," she said, climbing off of his lap and taking his hand. "C'mon, I'll show it to you before Jervis ruins it completely. Anyone who's curious can come too."

The inmates all followed Harley to Joker's cell, where she gestured to the picture of Batman, wearing a cowboy hat and boots, and pointing a gun at a stagecoach. Everyone just stared at it, puzzled.

"I still don't see the joke," murmured Joker.

"Aw, yes you do, puddin'!" she exclaimed. "It's Batman and he's robbing! Get it? Batman and robbing? Because it sounds kinda like Robin, y'see…it's a visual pun! I thought you'd love it, baby!"

"It ain't funny, Harl," he retorted. "And you had to explain it to me – I've warned you about that. I've also warned you about trying to make jokes. You're terrible at them. You really just need to stop trying."

Harley's face fell. "Aw, but Mr. J, you love funny stuff! How can you love me if I ain't funny?"

"You are funny, baby, just not in a good way," he said, patting her head. "Not in a talented way and more in a pathetic kinda way. Like how people laugh at dogs who can't get towels off their heads, or babies who fall on their asses, or…y'know…the Boy Wonder."

"Yeah?" Harley asked, instantly brightening. "You do think I'm funny, Mr. J?"

"Sure, kiddo. As funny as a nail being hammered into someone's eye."

"Aw, Mr. J, you're the greatest!" sighed Harley, embracing him and kissing him adoringly.

Ivy sighed and shook her head despairingly as they all returned to the rec room. She focused her attention back on her magazine and tried to ignore the pathetic sight of Harley trying to be affectionate while Joker completely ignored her.

Suddenly, the door was flung open and Two-Face stumbled into the room. "Harvey? Are you all right?" asked Ivy, noticing how flushed both his faces were.

"Oh yeah," he breathed. "Never been better. Just had my session with the new shrink."

"And? How did it go?" asked Joker. "I've got mine at noon and I'd like the lowdown. What kinda shrink is she?"

Two-Face stared at him. "Have you seen her, J?" he murmured. "She is a total knockout! I mean…wow! I'd sure as hell cure myself for her!"

"Yeah?" snapped Harley, immediately jealous. "She can't be all that hot."

"You wouldn't get it anyway, Harley, you ain't a guy," retorted Two-Face. "She's just got the most gorgeous pair of…"

"Thanks, Harvey, I think we all know how that sentence ends," snapped Ivy.

"For your information, I was gonna say eyes, Pammie," replied Two-Face. "But she's got them too. Just stunning. Knockout, that's the only word for her. Complete babe. I'm shocked she's a shrink."

"You saying attractive women can't be shrinks?" snapped Harley.

"I'm saying with those kinda looks, she should be a model," retorted Two-Face.

"Well, I'm all excited for noon now," chuckled Joker. "Looking forward to the eye candy."

"You won't have to wait until noon," said a voice from the doorway. Everyone turned to see the new doctor standing there. All the men in the room had to prevent their jaws dropping, while Harley and Ivy had to prevent their jaws grinding together. Two-Face had not been exaggerating – she was an extraordinarily beautiful woman.

"I'm Dr. Hazel Brown," she said, beaming and extending her hand to Joker.

He recovered himself first and shook it, grinning at her. "Your parents clearly had a sense of humor, toots," he said.

"Runs in my family," she replied, smiling back. "My brother's a comic actor, and I spend my time dealing with crazy people. So we basically ended up in the same profession."

Joker laughed and she smiled again, while Harley's hands clenched into fists. "I just wanted to introduce myself to you before our session," Dr. Brown continued, beaming at him. "I've heard so much about you, and I hope it's not too bold of me to admit that I took the job here at Arkham just so I'd get a chance to see inside your head."

"You wanna see inside anywhere else, baby, you let me know," replied Joker, grinning.

"They said you could be a little naughty with the female doctors," replied Dr. Brown, smiling. "I'm glad you don't disappoint. Rumor is the last lady psychiatrist who tried to analyze you ended up a raving, dependent nutjob with no self-esteem."

"That would be me," growled Harley, stepping forward and wrapping her arms tightly around the Joker. "I'm Harley Quinn, the Joker's girlfriend. Pleased to meetcha."

She had never meant the sentiment less.

"Oh, I didn't realize you kept her around," said Dr. Brown, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, y'know, it's always nice to have a punching bag handy, ain't that right, Harley?" asked Joker.

Harley just glared at Dr. Brown. "We're madly in love," she snapped. "So don't go getting any ideas."

Dr. Brown laughed. "Do I look like you?" she said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" demanded Harley.

"It means do I look crazy?" replied Dr. Brown.

Joker laughed again. "Now this gal is funny!" he chuckled. "That's rare in a dame, sweets, and I'm not gonna lie, I like it. I don't normally say this to doctors, but I'm really looking forward to our session. I mean that."

Dr. Brown smiled back at him. "So am I, Mr. Joker. See you then."

She nodded at the room at large and strode off. "See what I mean?" gasped Two-Face, sinking into a chair. "What a woman!"

"Yeah, she ain't bad," agreed Joker, chuckling.

"What do you mean, she ain't bad?" demanded Harley. "I don't like her one bit, Mr. J, and I don't trust her! She's clearly got designs on you."

"Oh, c'mon, pooh, I think I can handle myself around women," laughed Joker, patting her head. "You ain't got nothing to worry about, baby, so stop being silly. There's only one gal for me, and that's my Harley girl."

Harley squeaked happily and tilted her face up for his kiss. She trusted him completely. Poison Ivy, however, did not. She was less forgiving than Harley of Joker's faults, and he was well-known for being a liar, and a cheater. Sure, he had never cheated on Harley, but if it was a good joke or something in his head, what's to say he wouldn't? He was incredibly selfish, and he wasn't exactly a man of principle, or strong moral fiber. Harley was far more forgiving than Ivy would have been. And she had a horrible feeling that her best friend was going to end up terribly, terribly hurt.


	2. Chapter 2

Poison Ivy checked her watch again and sighed. Her session with Dr. Brown was supposed to have started fifteen minutes ago, but the doctor was still analyzing the Joker. Well, that's not what it sounded like to Ivy – it sounded like Joker was telling some sort of joke, because they both kept laughing.

"…so…so…he says 'he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now'!" gasped out Joker, and then they both started laughing again.

"What a load of crap!" laughed Dr. Brown.

"See, you're the first shrink to get that!" chuckled Joker. "Well, except Harley. When I first told her that joke, she nearly bust a gut."

"Did she? Isn't that interesting. Well, I'm afraid our time is up. Has been for quite a while, actually. I'm sorry for the wait, Pamela," said Dr. Brown, opening the door and smiling at Ivy.

"Aw, Pammie don't mind – she's a great gal!" chuckled Joker, slapping her on the back.

"Don't touch me," growled Ivy.

"I'll warn you now, Doc, Pammie's got some issues with physical contact," grinned Joker. "It's because she's used to being felt up by plants, so people are kinda a weird change for her, huh, Pammie?"

In response, Ivy punched him in the face. "Pamela, don't!" shrieked Dr. Brown, rushing over to see to Joker. "Are you all right, Mr. Joker?"

"Oh yeah, happens all the time," replied Joker shrugging. "She ain't no Bats."

"The self-righteous brute," murmured Dr. Brown, reaching up to touch Joker's face. "You're such a brave, courageous man to keep facing him, Mr. Joker."

"Told you, baby, call me J. Everyone does," replied Joker, grinning.

"All right. Mr. J," she murmured.

Ivy's heart broke for Harley as she saw the adoration in Dr. Brown's eyes as she gazed up at the Joker, and how much Joker was clearly enjoying the attention. She thought she saw Dr. Brown's lips move forward toward his, but then Joker gently pushed her away. "Just J," he said, grinning. "Mr. J don't sound right."

"Ok. J. See you tomorrow," murmured Dr. Brown. "Oh, and thanks for the flower."

Joker chuckled. "Anytime, toots! See you tomorrow!"

He strode off whistling and Dr. Brown stared after him. "Why did J give you a flower?" demanded Ivy.

"Hmm? Oh, he was showing me how he made it resistant to acid so he could spray it from it, and then he said I could keep it. Such a smart guy," sighed Dr. Brown.

"I've never seen the attraction," retorted Ivy. "But I guess I'm in the minority at the moment."

"Why not? He's a genius, smart, funny, feared, respected, admired, what more could a girl want?" asked Dr. Brown.

"Oh, I dunno. Maybe a guy with a heart?" retorted Ivy. "Though I admit they're often overrated."

They entered Dr. Brown's office. "I think it's only fair to warn you, Harley is my best friend," said Ivy. "If you do try anything with J that hurts her, I'll have to kill both of you. You understand?"

Dr. Brown snorted. "Can you explain to me what J sees in that useless, pathetic, worthless, submissive, clumsy, incompetant doormat?"

"Like I said, best friend," snapped Ivy. "Don't talk about her like that. Even though I think it myself sometimes."

"So what do either of you see in her?" asked Dr. Brown. "I'm genuinely interested."

Ivy shrugged. "She's fun," she replied. "Open and honest and pours her whole heart and soul into everything she does. Incredibly genuine, which I think we can admit is pretty unusual in a woman. She's oddly sweet and kind, despite sometimes being a homicidal maniac. I don't know, I can't explain it. She's just Harley, and you gotta love Harley."

"Do you?" snapped Dr. Brown.

"Well, J and I do," retorted Ivy. "I think you're in the minority if you don't."

"Does he really love her, though?" demanded Dr. Brown. "I mean really love her?"

Ivy thought. "I don't know," she replied, sincerely. "I don't know if he knows what that is."

"Maybe he just needs the right girl to show him," said Dr. Brown.

Ivy shrugged. "I've given you my warning. J knows same goes. If you want to make your own graves, I won't stop you. Harley's always deserved better anyway – maybe it'll be just the wake-up call she needs. So do whatever you and that selfish creep want. I wash my hands of the pair of you."

"Thanks for your blessing," snapped Dr. Brown. "Now let's talk about your childhood."

Their relationship didn't improve as the session progressed, and Ivy had determined to request a different psychiatrist for next week as she returned to her cell.

"How'd it go, Red?" asked Harley, immediately starting up and rushing over to the window between their cells.

"She's a bitch, and I hate her," growled Ivy. "And not just because she's more attractive than me, although there is a little of that."

"She ain't more attractive than you, Red," replied Harley, firmly. "Yeah, she may have a perfect oval face and just the right body type, not too fat and not too thin, and her hair may look gorgeous and she may have a dazzling smile but you…you got…you got personality, and that's more important."

"Gee, thanks, Harley, that's really helped," muttered Ivy.

"It's true, Red!" insisted Harley.

Ivy sighed. "Hey, Harvey!" she shouted across the cell block.

"What?" snapped Two-Face.

"Who's more attractive? Me or Dr. Brown?"

"That a joke? Dr. Brown, of course," retorted Two-Face.

Ivy looked at Harley pointedly. "She ain't more attractive than me though, right?" asked Harley.

"Of course she is, don't be stupid," retorted Two-Face.

Tears rose in Harley's eyes and she suddenly burst into tears, sobbing loudly. "Aw, Harley, don't cry," muttered Two-Face. "Look, I only think she's more attractive because I got a thing for redheads. Ask Pammie."

"Well, Mr. J's got a thing for blondes!" sobbed Harley. "And that's me, not Dr. Brown! I'm his sexy little shrink, not that stupid tramp! And that's what matters! He loves me! Get it?! He loves me!"

"Look, Harley," murmured Ivy, soothingly. "Y'know, maybe it's the best thing that could happen to you. If you finally see him for the slime he is, maybe you can finally work up the courage to leave him and find happiness…"

"You don't get it, Red!" shrieked Harley. "I couldn't leave him and be happy! That ain't how that works! I _need_ him to be happy! If I ain't got him, I ain't got nothing! I don't even know who I am…I…I…I need him, Red!"

"Well, if it helps, I'm sure nothing's happened between them," said Ivy, gently.

"Really?" asked Harley, hopefully.

"Yeah. Not yet, anyway. And J mentioned you and she got really jealous."

"Yeah?" said Harley, eyes shining. "He really did? Oh, he does love me! I knew it! I knew it!"

She immediately started beaming in happiness, wiping the tears away. Ivy sighed heavily. For Harley's sake, she really hoped she was wrong about the kinda man J was. But she doubted it.


	3. Chapter 3

"Why do you keep looking at the clock, puddin'?" asked Harley, noticing Joker's repeated glances at it when they were watching TV.

"Gotta be somewhere later," he replied.

"Where?" she asked.

"Somewhere," he repeated.

"On your own?" she asked gently.

He didn't respond, focusing his attention back on the TV. Harley felt the strong sensation of suspicion and panic clutch tighter around her heart and lungs, but tried to ignore it. "So…you and…Dr. Brown…"

"Trying to watch TV, Harley," interrupted Joker.

"Yeah, I know, puddin'," she whispered. "But I just kinda…need to know."

He sighed heavily, flicking off the TV. "What?" he demanded, looking straight at her.

"Do you and she…are you and she…what do you talk about in your sessions?" Harley asked quietly.

He shrugged. "I dunno. What kinda crap did I tell you? Abusive father, absent mother, that kinda thing. Can we go back to watching the Stooges now?"

Harley stared at him. "You told her…our stuff?"

Joker looked at her. "It's the same stuff I always tell the shrinks, Harley. It's all a loada crap."

"Yeah, but it was _our _loada crap!" sobbed Harley. "It was _our _lie! How could you share it with her, Mr. J?"

"Harley, what's the matter?" he snapped. "Why are you acting like this?"

She stared at the floor. "Because I'm afraid," she whispered.

"Of what?" he demanded. "Johnny Crane put something in your drink?"

She shook her head. "I'm afraid of losing you," she whispered.

"What the hell do you mean?" he demanded.

She gazed up at him with tears in her eyes. "That was us once," she whispered. "Not that long ago…we were doctor and patient. And something happened between us that…changed everything. Changed my life. I just don't want it to change again for the worse. I mean, maybe you don't even love her, maybe you're just using her, the way Red said you used me…"

"Love her? Of course I don't love her!" he snapped. "Where has all this come from, Harley? It's the Weed, isn't it? It's no wonder she can't hold down a stable relationship if this is the kinda crap that goes on in her head. I don't love Dr. Brown, I ain't using her, she's my shrink, I deal with her, we have a few laughs because she's got a sense of humor and it makes a nice change. But that's all. You gotta trust me, Harley."

"I do trust you, puddin'," she murmured. "It's just…if it were true…it would kill me."

"Well, it ain't," he snapped. "Now stop sniveling and lemme watch TV."

She nodded, trying to cry silently as the minutes passed. He glanced at the clock again and then flicked off the TV, standing up. He looked down at Harley and then suddenly struck her across the face. "That's for thinking I'd cheat on you," he muttered, storming off.

Harley rubbed her cheek, smiling despite the pain. She had deserved it. It had been a stupid idea. And it had mostly been Red's fault. But she didn't know Mr. J the way Harley did – Harley knew what he was like. She knew he loved her, and only her. And that's all that mattered.

She beamed, wiping her eyes again and standing up. She was intending to head back to her cell to go to bed, but was filled with the sudden urge to wait in Mr. J's cell for him to get back, so she could give him a goodnight kiss. And maybe a little more, if he was in the mood, she thought, smiling.

She turned the corner and suddenly froze as her heart stopped in horror at the scene before her. Dr. Brown had the Joker pressed against the glass and was kissing him passionately. He noticed Harley and quickly shoved Dr. Brown away. "Harley, it's not what you think…" he began.

_It's not what you think_. How could it be anything else? How many other lies had he told her? He had lied to her from the beginning, when he told her about his childhood. That had all been lies, and from that moment to this, she suddenly wondered if he had ever told her the truth about anything. As the realization hit her, she felt her heart shatter into a million pieces, each one slicing its way through her body as she let out an agonizing sob.

He had rushed over to her and tried to embrace her. "Harley…"

"Don't touch me!" she hissed, in a voice that was half fury and half agony. "Everything you ever told me was a lie! Was it a joke, Mr. J? Was that all we were to you? Was that all_ I_ was to you? Just one of your stupid jokes? Is breaking my heart funny to you in some sick, twisted way?"

"Harley, it's not…"

"Stop lying!" she shrieked. "Stop talking! It's the same thing, isn't it, Mr. J?! Did you ever tell me anything that was true?! Did you ever, in some small part of you, ever love me?!"

"Of course I…"

She slapped him across the face. "Liar," she hissed. "Liar, liar, liar!" she screamed, and then turned and rushed off down the hall.

He ran after her and seized her arm. "Let go of me!" she hissed.

"Why don't you trust me?" he demanded.

"Why should I?!" she shrieked.

"Because you said you did!" he shouted, seizing her round the throat. "Don't lie to me, Harley!"

Harley gasped out a laugh. "Oh, of the two of us, I'm the liar. Now that is funny, Mr. J! You really are crazy, aren't you?"

His grip tightened around her throat. "I should kill you for talking to me like that, you little brat," he hissed.

"Do it," whispered Harley, gently. "Please do it. I ain't got nothing left to live for, Mr. J, now that I've lost you. Please kill me now."

He glared at her then dropped her to the ground. He hit her suddenly, over and over again, then ripped her head up by the hair with one hand and reached into his pocket with the other. "What's it say, you dumb bitch?!" he hissed, thrusting a piece of paper in her face.

Harley couldn't really make out words through her tears – her vision was blurry. He slapped her. "What's it say?!" he repeated.

At last she saw that it was a page from his file. "_Patient Name Unknown – alias: the Joker_," she murmured. "_Committed for life_."

He dropped her hair and struck her across the face again. "Ain't no joke," he hissed, throwing it at her feet. He then stormed off, leaving Harley alone, her sobs echoing down the corridor.


	4. Chapter 4

"Eddie, you haven't seen J this morning, have you?" asked Ivy, entering the cafeteria at breakfast.

"Nope," replied Edward Nygma. "Didn't see him last night either. Probably spent it in the arms of Harley 2.0. Oh…sorry, Harley," he stammered, suddenly noticing her trailing along behind Ivy.

"I asked for her sake, you dumb jerk!" snapped Ivy. "Why would I care about seeing J?"

"I thought you were having a fight or something," retorted Nygma. "Harley, I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

"Is that what the guys call her?" interrupted Harley, quietly. "Harley 2.0? I'm sure that's how Mr. J sees her. Me with an upgrade. Me, but…better."

"Harley…"

"Just shut up, Eddie, haven't you caused enough trouble?" snapped Ivy, taking a seat next to Crane and Two-Face. Harley sat down next to them. Her normally animated face was sad and battered, and her usually shining eyes were dull and listless. She hadn't slept last night.

"I don't even get why all the hot dames want J," muttered Two-Face. "He's not an attractive man."

"It's the allure of power," murmured Crane. "And the forbidden. The idea of being wicked, of being with what is bad and wrong. And J is the ultimate wrong."

"Still, you think some gals would want us," grumbled Two-Face. "What has J actually got that we ain't got?"

Crane shrugged. "A purple suit?" he suggested.

"Might have to try it out," said Two-Face, angrily biting into some toast.

At that moment, the door opened and Joker stormed into the cafeteria. Silence immediately fell over the room as all eyes glared at him, except Harley, who lowered hers to the ground.

He sat down, ignoring them and reaching for a bowl of cereal. "Harley won't talk to me, J," said Ivy, glaring at him furiously. "What did you do to her last night?"

"I gave her what she deserved for not trusting me," he snapped.

"Why would anyone trust you?" demanded Ivy. "You're the Joker. Your whole personality is based on lies and deceit."

He stood up suddenly. "Because she's Harley!" he shouted. "She's my Harley, and that's what my Harley does! She trusts me and loves me and she takes whatever crap I give her and she always will, or I'll break her little body in two! Because that's how I created her! Because she's my Harley Quinn! And she can't honestly be stupid enough to think I'd settle for a dame that wasn't mine, mine so completely that I could treat her however I wanted and she'd still come running back. Why would I want any dame I didn't make myself? You can see my handiwork in Harley, from the clown makeup to the total and complete adoration. She loves me as much as I love myself. I did that. I broke her mind, I made her mine, someone who reflects my glory, someone I can look at every day to make me proud of my own work. I would never want an equal, a competitor, a woman who thought she could be as funny as me. I don't believe in equality in relationships. I want someone pathetic, someone I will always be superior to, someone I can abuse and laugh at, someone who will be the punchline to my jokes. I want my Harley. And she thinks she can just destroy all my hard work because of some stupid misunderstanding?! She can't. She's mine. She always will be. She's committed for life. We both are."

He stormed from the room. Ivy turned to look at Harley, who was still staring at the floor. She gently put her hand on top of hers. "I know it hurts, Harley, but I hope it's the first step towards…"

"He called me his Harley," she murmured suddenly. "He said I was his. For life."

"Yeah, I know. He's a horrible, arrogant bastard, but you…"

"He wants me, Red," she whispered, gazing up at her hopefully, with light shining in her eyes. "He loves me."

"He didn't say…"

"He did – you just don't know him," murmured Harley, standing up and beaming. "You just don't understand him and…and me. That's one of the sweetest things he's ever said publicly. He loves me, Red! I told you, didn't I? He loves me!"

"Harley…" began Ivy, but Harley rushed out of the room after Joker.

Ivy sighed, reaching for a cup of coffee. "I think I need to break outta here before I go crazy too," she muttered. "Who wants to come with me?"

"Sure," said Two-Face, shrugging. "But not before I ask J about his tailor. I really, really want a purple suit."


	5. Chapter 5

"Mr. J!" shrieked Harley, rushing out of the room. "Mr. J!" She looked around the empty corridor, then suddenly heard the fire alarm sound. In the chaos and noise as guards and patients rushed past her, Harley suddenly heard a shot ring out in a room on her right. She threw open the door.

The Joker stood holding a smoking gun, and the body of Dr. Brown lay at his feet. He turned to face Harley and smiled. "Two dames in love with me at once," he murmured. "Joke got old real fast, Harl."

She gazed at him in adoration. "Oh, Mr. J," she breathed, slamming the door and throwing herself into his arms. They devoured each other's mouths almost desperately – at least, it was desperation on Harley's part. She thought she had almost lost something integral to her being, which her love for the Joker was. Without it, she couldn't live. Without him, she couldn't live. And what had he said in the cafeteria, if not that? Without her, he wouldn't be the Joker. She was a reflection of himself, and he needed her, even if he never said it. She knew. She never should have doubted it.

"Will you listen to me now that you've calmed down?" he murmured, stroking her hair back as she lay naked in his arms on the floor.

"Mmm," she whispered, nuzzling his bare chest.

"There was never anything between us," he murmured, glancing at the body. "I wasn't even manipulating her, not really. But she wanted to be useful. I think she thought I'd reward her for it. I didn't intend to, but you know what women are like. They get crazy ideas outta nowhere. So she told me she was gonna doctor my file, say I'd been given some miracle drug and I was cured, and then play along like I had been so I'd get outta here a free, sane man. I thought it was a great gag, so I agreed to meet her and go over the file with her and arrange all the details, which is why I kept glancing at the clock. I wanted it to be a surprise for you, pooh, y'know, so you'd enjoy the joke like everyone else. And then she kissed me, just outta nowhere. And that was when you came around the corner. So you can see why I got kinda angry when you overreacted. You really had no reason to be jealous."

"Yeah, I know," she murmured. "I'm a silly girl. But you're just so precious to me, puddin'. If I ever lost you…"

He put a finger to her lips. "You won't. Know why, sweets?"

She shook her head and he grinned. "Cause we're a great joke, baby. One that never gets old. A gal like you, and a guy like me. Pretty funny when you think about it, isn't it, pooh?"

Harley nodded slowly, grinning. "Yeah. But good kinda funny, not pathetic kinda funny, right, Mr. J?"

He chuckled. "That's right, pooh bear," he murmured, kissing her.

He stood up, reaching for his clothes. "Wonder if they've figured out it was a false fire alarm yet," he muttered.

"To cover the sound of the shot, huh, Mr. J?" asked Harley, dressing.

"I knew you'd get it, my clever little pumpkin," he said, grinning.

"Nobody knows you like your Harley girl, puddin'," she breathed, kissing him.

He thought for a moment. "They're probably all outside," he murmured. "The guards, the doctors, everyone. We're probably the only ones left inside. We have free reign to do whatever we want. We could run the asylum..."

He trailed off, grinning. "Wanna have a little fun, Harley girl?"

She beamed at him. "Always, Mr. J."

He took her hand and they left the room together.

**The End**


End file.
